Emotionally Safe Communication

You’re going along interacting with your partner, everything seems fine. But then - ping! - something happens and things feel definitely NOT okay. You’re not really sure what it is that feels off, but there is NO doubt that it DOES feel off. I have a strategy to offer you.

I believe the not ok feeling is a sign of emotional disconnection. Emotions are being felt, but the living partnership is unaware of them. Your are afraid or in pain, but your partner doesn’t see it. You might be disconnected from your own fear/pain.

Here’s the plan.

First, when things suddenly feel not ok, immediately stop talking about things. It will only get worse. Look inwards first. Where is your fear/pain? Find it. Feel it. Now, let your partner see and feel your fear/pain. Are they aware? Are they getting it? If not, help them to. It doesn’t matter much what you are afraid of, or what is hurting you, just that you are experiencing it. You matter. That you are hurting or scared matters regardless of the reason for it.

Now, you will know your partner is getting it when you see/feel a reaction from them. What is it? How is your fear/pain impacting your partner?

Next, look for your partner’s fear or pain. When you find it, turn your attention inwards again. How is your partners fear/pain affecting you? Let you partner see this.

When you and your partner are both aware of each other’s fear/pain and the respective impacts they have on each other, you and they have re-established emotional connection. You can go back to talking about things. But as soon as the not ok feeling comes again, you have to redo the connection process described above.

If you try this, please let me know how it went! JackChildersLPC@yahoo.com.